I got some tough-love yesterday. And by tough-love I mean raw, unapologetic, difficult-to-hear truth telling. And thank god because I had gotten so spun up in my story that I could not find my way out.
And while the truth is tough to hear sometimes, it is the very thing that unhooks us from the fantasies, lies and limiting beliefs. Because those lies can be convenient at times. Like a self-fulfilling prophesy when we are bought into the same old story. The one that is familiar and historical. The one that can feel more comforting than the real, hard truth. Because it is the story that you know, even if when it is sabotaging you.
The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off.
This is where tough-love comes in. Because to break this hold and unhook from the story, we need to face our fears and step into courageous inquiry, unchartered territory and unknown outcomes. Here are some things I have learned along the way about navigating these moments:
1-Surround yourself by allies. They are the people in your life that feel safe. That give you permission to use your inside voice and share your fantasies. They are the ones who love your guts unconditionally. Let them be your mirrors and love their reflections…even when they sting. Know that they have your best interests in mind.
2-Do a fact check. Often we have all the information we need to make a true assessment of “what is” not “what we want it to be” or “what is convenient”. Make a list of what you know beyond a reasonable doubt. Then make a second list of what you are assuming (NOTE: anything you think about another person - about their thoughts, motivations, feelings, etc - is an assumption).
3-Have the hard conversation*. If you really need to know the truth, ask. Be curious. Listen for what is really being said. You may not hear what you want, but perhaps you will get what you need to move forward. (*Caution – this conversation may go haywire while mercury is in retrograde).
One last thing…tough-love is not without love. It is an awareness that comes with compassion. So be gentle with yourself as you turn towards the truth.