Oh Shit...Shiva

One year ago today, I got my ass handed to me. 


I went to India with the intention of getting a fresh start. I had just filed for divorce and needed to reset, big time. The timing could not have been more perfect. It was going to be my Eat, Pray, Love moment.


Not quite.


At first, my journey was exactly what you would imagine. I landed at an ashram and spent my days meditating, visiting temples and drinking chai. It just so happened that every temple we came across was one of Lord Shiva, which seemed appropriate since Shiva is the destroyer and I was committed to letting go of my old life and starting anew.


Be careful what you wish for. 


By coincidence, I arrived in Varanasi, the spiritual capital of India, during one of the biggest holidays, Maha Shivaratri, the great night of Lord Shiva. Which at first seemed like a blessing…and I guess you could say that my prayers were answered. Because the very next day, I got robbed at a Shiva temple. And I mean, I lost everything – my money, my passport, my visa…my whole identity. And as soon as that happened I thought, “this is not what I meant”. But the truth is, I had prayed for that. I had prayed to let go of my old identity…my identity as wife, as over-achiever, as bossy lady, as doer. And that is exactly what Shiva gave to me - one big, undeniable surrender.  


I had also prayed to know my strength as an independent woman. And did I ever. Four days of traveling across the country with no money, navigating embassies, asking for help anywhere I could get it…I certainly discovered what I was capable of. 


When you call in Shiva’s energy (transformation), buckle up. Because you are calling in a destruction that is beyond your imagination and your control. Shiva does not mess around. But it is never by accident. Shiva is the wielder of power and Purpose (with a capital P) and will give you the redirect that you need to move forward.


Shiva wiped my slate clean (literally) so that I start again. And while I could not see the whole picture at the time, I know now that it was the very thing I needed to rediscover my power, reclaim my purpose and step into my new life with courage and faith.


And so one year later, on this very auspicious day of purification and awakening, Maha Shivaratri, I am sitting in the inquiry of where I need to let go and where I need to let in. Here are some questions for contemplation:


Where are we floundering in purpose?

What is in the way of our knowing our purpose fully?

What barriers prevent us from stepping into purpose?

How can we reclaim our power to manifest our purpose?


Om Namah Shivaya!